Photo credit: Pexels/Yan Krukov   You cannot cancel a government program that does not exist yet. This is an obvious, logical truth, based on: (1) the normal, historical understanding of how government works, and (2) the fact that time runs in only one direction. It is a truth akin to “water is wet” that did […]

As the Corona crisis lingers, pundits are warning of how Canada and the world will be forever changed afterward. But we have heard this kind of “nothing will ever be the same” talk before: after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

But other than air travel, what really changed after 9/11? Remember the pall that fell over the United States and Canada after 9/11? The presumed death of irony? During those days, did it seem like the Kardashians would be possible, or The Bachelor, or United States President Donald Trump (other than on The Simpsons, which apparently predicted everything)? Yet they all happened, along with Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok, and the thousands of other diversions we employ to make modern life tolerable.

Yes, it feels slightly wrong to issue yet another column criticizing Justin Trudeau. But with no end in sight for the Corona virus shutdown, offended readers are even less likely to come to my house with their complaints. If they do, I could really use some flour.

Though it may seem an odd comparison, Justin Trudeau often reminds me of a military officer who is perpetually surrounded by hostile fire, yet emerges unscathed, shirtless and ready to surf every single time. He could not be blamed for loving the smell of hand sanitizer in the morning, or at any time of day. To this minority Liberal government, hand sanitizer smells like … survival.

First there was the jubilation, and the upending of traditions. Then came the economic stagnation and mutual contempt. By the end, there was seething hatred.

Word came at lunchtime Monday that Justin Trudeau would address the annual convention of the Prospectors & Developers Association of Canada that very afternoon. Perhaps the surprise nature of the appearance was owing to some misapprehension in the prime minister’s office that, given enough notice, the Metro Toronto Convention Centre would be crawling with dungareed men wielding pick axes.

Then there’s the inconvenient fact that the convention’s lead sponsor is Teck Resources, whom Trudeau might remember as the proponent of the most recent energy megaproject abandoned during Trudeau’s tenure. Teck will certainly remember Trudeau.

Donald Trump’s visit to India this week is reminding us of Justin Trudeau’s shambolic tour of India, which was precisely two years ago. Trump’s many critics are joking about his pronunciation of Indian names, and speculating that he may starve without a steady supply of “hamberders” in the meat-challenged subcontinent. But even Trudeau’s usual defenders found it difficult to joke about Trudeau and his family’s daily Bollywood-inspired fashion parade, or spin the appearance of a Sikh extremist at an official reception.

Justin Trudeau’s triumphalist election night speech had not gone over well. “Tonight, Canadians rejected division and negativity” he bragged, after spending weeks smearing Conservative leader Andrew Scheer and the premier of Canada’s largest province. He framed his minority as a “clear mandate,” despite having been shut out of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Much of the post-election commentary described Trudeau’s speech as tone deaf.

If Conservative leadership candidates can get past their current preoccupations – which appear to be French proficiency, pride parades and yoga – they would do well to start staking out some policy positions to show they are fit and ready take over from our unshaven prime minister. If you have missed Justin Trudeau’s whiskers and whispery lisp in recent days, it is because he is currently on a nine-day jet fuel and light bribery spree in Africa, the Middle East and Europe, in hopes of attaining a temporary seat on the UN Security Council.

“Better than Trudeau” might strike many Conservatives as too low a bar, but there are always many higher, invisible hurdles for Conservative leaders, as Peter MacKay is now bumpily re-learning, after four years of peaceful family and work life.

I don’t have a parent’s perspective on the last few months of teacher strikes and job actions, but as a conservative I am naturally frustrated. “Fire them all!” I shout at the television, invoking the memory of the blessed Ronald Reagan, though I know very well that neither education minister Stephen Lecce nor premier Doug Ford can fire teachers who are employed by school boards. “Lock them out in January!” was another refrain I would mutter into the void. Again, same problem: politicians can’t lock out people who work for different politicians.

Sadly, the prospect of teachers picketing through weeks of winter weather has probably receded into Wiarton Willie’s lair.